Yes, it's finally time for one of ARBA's more cherished traditions: Eric Does the Draft Lottery Because One of Tom's Teams Is Involved Yet Again, Dammit!
I'm suddenly in the mood for a distraction from this World Series game, so I might as well get this out of the way. Six teams are in this year's draft lottery as ISL and MOL tied for the 5th worst record. The other participants (in ascending order of lottery chances are QUA, SFE, ROM, and then awesomely terrible MUD.
According to YOC, the official breakdown of chances is as follows: MUD - 10, ROM - 8, SFE - 6, QUA - 4, MOL - 1, ISL -1.
As this most cherished ARBA tradition demands, I have carefully cut small slips of paper of equal size and written the team abbreviations on them in accordance with their lottery chances. These pieces of paper were then folded identically and placed in the Cap of Chance. That great honor goes to my Houston Astros 2017 Championship cap because FU, that's why. The Cap of Chance was then vigorously shaken to ensure proper randomization of the lottery drawing. I then selected slips from the Cap of Chance to determine the 2022 draft order for our lottery teams. Although of course, this rigorous process demanded that I identify the top pick first and so on, they will be revealed in reverse order, for maximum dramatic effect! Once again, our sacred traditions must be followed.
DRUMROLL PLEASE...
MORE COWBELL PLEASE...
I CAN'T HEAR YOU...
FINE! I WILL GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!
The 6th pick is awarded to...Moline! Oh well, 1 in 30 wasn't great odds.
The 5th pick is awarded to...Quad City! The lottery fates were unkind to Dennis, but not too unkind. As a side note, this one took a while as I had to discard 10 slips with the other 4 teams before finally pulling QUA.
The 4th pick is awarded to...Islamorada! Congratulations to them for jumping ahead of Quad City with their 1 in 30 chance.
The 3rd pick is awarded to...Rome! My condolences as they had the 2nd worst record, but SFE cruelly jumped ahead of them.
Uh-oh, there are only 2 teams left. Will Mudville be rewarded for their truly amazing 12 win season or will That Damn Tomlinson be rewarded for winning 42 games and forcing me to do this draft lottery yet again?
The 2nd pick is awarded to...Mudville! My sincere condolences on the capriciousness of fate. Perhaps it would have turned out better with 13 wins instead of 12?
Finally, the 1st pick is awarded to...Shiner! Wow, what a shocking upset this is. Shiner won 116 games and obviously isn't even close to eligible for the draft lottery, but hey, strange things happen in baseball, right.
Okay fine, SFE got the 1st pick and the Astros are now down 5-0 and the apocalypse is nigh. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
