That's right! It's time to announce the results of Ye Olde Draft Lottery for the 2020 ARBA IOD! FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!
Once again, YOC has one of his teams in the bottom 5, so I'm forced to conduct this again. It had better not end up with him getting the top pick again...
This is truly one of the most glorious traditions in ARBA and continues to be conducted through the most infallible methods devised by modern technology.
Cut up a sheet of paper into the number of pieces needed to represent the lottery chances.
Write team abbreviations on the pieces of paper, in numbers corresponding to their designated odds.
As a reminder, the bottom 5 this year are TER, KC, MIS, and ROM/RDW.
This season we had a tie for the 4th worst record, so they had the same odds.
Carefully fold each little piece of paper to render them indistinguishable from each other.
Place pieces of paper into an approved draft lottery receptacle, which this year was a 2020 Olympics cap purchased in Tokyo this summer.
Vigorously shuffle the pieces of paper within the cap, while holding it closed to prevent premature escape.
Draw a piece of paper from the cap and unfold it to reveal which team has won the top pick!
Draw another piece of paper from the cap and unfold to reveal which team has won the 2nd pick, discarding if that team has already been drawn.
Continue this scientific process until the order has been fully determined.
Announce the picks to be received with joy for some and tears for others.
Okay, now that the process has been described in excruciating details, let's get to the results! As tradition demands, the order will be announced in reverse to maximize the pulse-pounding DRAMA!
Picking 5th...
The Rome Umpires (48-114)! They're still searching for some lottery luck. That's what you get for asking when I was going to do this, Mike.
Picking 4th...
The Kansas City Sixx (42-120)! Oh no! They had the 2nd worst record, but luck was unkind to them also.
Picking 3rd...
The Terre Haute Explosion (40-122)! Yes, we are saved! Tom should know that Ye Olde Draft Lottery almost never actually awards the top pick to the worst team.
Picking 2nd...
The Redwood Pioneers (48-114)! They were tied with Rome for the 4th worst record, but luck smiled on them this time.
Picking 1st...
The "Mississippi Catfish" (46-116)! Yes, that's right. Our 3rd worst team, which was abandoned during the season, jumped up to take the top pick. Hopefully that will help us to recruit a new owner!
Okay, that concludes today's Ye Olde ARBA 2020 Draft Lottery update. Please return to your regularly scheduled lives or something. Thinking up some trades to help my teams would be a nice way to spend your time.
