It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that SFE has given the universally-hated Surprise Zombies their next superstar by trading phenom Gleybar Torres (plus, ugh, $69K) to SUR in exchange for this-better-have-just-been-a-down-year Andrew McCutchen.

This is just the third trade between the hated rivals in all of their seasons in the league and, with apologies to such luminaries as Aubrey Huff and Asdrubal Cabrera, definitely the most significant.