26-time Cy Young Winner Roger Clemens was traded to Harmony Grove today along with Justin Speier for former Gecko prospect Conor Jackson, JP Howell, the HUM #1, HAR #2, 5, and 6, SPR #5, and $100K in small, unmarked, non-sequential bills.

Reached for comment, Clemens was clearly befuddled: "What the....?  I'm supposed to be starting Game 3 of the World Series against these guys in a few days!  So now what do I do?  Am I starting for SFE?  HAR?  Someone else?  Should I start for SFE and then tank the game?  What the hell???"

Jackson, meanwhile, was thrilled to be rejoining the team that he grew up rooting for, citing Santa Fe's impressive core of veteran talent that is "sure to reach the postseason" again next year.